Trauma Triggers & Emotional Déjà Vu: Why We Overreact
Introduction
Have you ever found yourself feeling overwhelmingly upset or anxious about something seemingly small, only to wonder, "Why did I react like that?" That surge of emotion might not be about the present moment at all—it could be your past trauma triggering what I call emotional déjà vu. This isn’t just about remembering something specific; it’s about feeling it again, often without knowing why. Sometimes, this reaction leads to self-sabotage, prompting you to numb those feelings with unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance, drinking, or binge eating.
What is Emotional Déjà Vu?
I coined the phrase emotional déjà vu to help people recognize when past trauma is influencing their current reactions. Emotional déjà vu happens when trauma resurfaces, not as a clear memory, but as a wave of intense feelings that don’t quite fit the present situation. For people-pleasers and empathic individuals, these triggers are often subtle. You might not get upset over someone cutting in line, but a small mistake at work, a missed deadline, or the worry of disappointing someone can cause intense anxiety or shame.
These reactions feel confusing because they don’t match the actual event, but the emotional response is powerful and real.
Why Does Trauma Resurface This Way?
Trauma is embedded in your system. When we go through traumatic experiences, especially in uncaring or critical relationships, our bodies and minds become wired to respond to anything that feels similar. Something small—a disapproving glance, a familiar environment, or even a certain time of year—can bring back those overwhelming emotions.
For instance, someone who experienced trauma around feeling inadequate might overreact to even minor criticism or feel panicked when they make a small mistake. Even routine events, like the change in seasons, can stir up old feelings if they coincide with when the trauma originally happened. Your brain is constantly on guard, even when the actual threat is long gone.
The Four Common Trauma Responses
When trauma triggers emotional déjà vu, your brain goes into survival mode. These reactions are often categorized as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. While they are natural, they can feel overwhelming and disproportionate to the situation.
Fight: For some, the fight response may show up as defensiveness or irritability. You might feel frustrated with yourself or lash out in situations that seem minor, like being criticized at work or in social settings.
Flight: The flight response can manifest as overworking, busyness, or perfectionism. You may feel compelled to stay constantly productive or to avoid slowing down, using action to escape the uncomfortable emotions. Panic or anxiety may accompany this state, as if you're trying to outrun your feelings.
Freeze: Freeze can leave you feeling stuck, emotionally paralyzed, or dissociated. You may find yourself avoiding decisions, unable to move forward, or feeling detached from reality—like you’re watching life unfold without being part of it. For people-pleasers, this often happens when you face criticism or conflict, leaving you unsure of how to act.
Fawn: Fawning is the people-pleasing response, where you feel the urge to appease or take care of others to avoid conflict. When triggered, you might over-apologize, agree to things you don’t want to do, or sacrifice your own needs to maintain peace, even when it’s harmful to you.
Breaking Free from Emotional Déjà Vu
Effective trauma treatment can significantly help you navigate and heal from these responses. Here are some therapeutic approaches that can make a difference:
Trauma treatment focuses on understanding and healing from the emotional echoes of past experiences.
