Peacekeeper: Fawning & People-Pleasing
Have you ever felt an overwhelming urge to please others, even at the expense of your own needs? This behavior, often rooted in past trauma, manifests as what I call the "urge to keep peace at all costs." It’s a survival mechanism that can lead to a cycle of fawning, self-criticism, and toxic shame.
What Is Fawning?
Fawning is a trauma response where individuals prioritize the needs and feelings of others over their own. It often involves going to great lengths to avoid conflict or disapproval, driven by the fear of rejection or harm. This behavior is common among those with a history of trauma, as it feels safer to appease others than to risk being hurt.
Characteristics of the "Urge to Keep Peace at All Costs"
People-Pleasing: You may constantly seek peace from others, often sacrificing your own needs and desires in the process. This behavior can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion.
Self-Criticism: You might find yourself engaging in harsh self-talk, berating yourself for perceived shortcomings or mistakes. This internal dialogue can stem from an ingrained belief that you must be perfect to avoid rejection.
Avoidance of Conflict: You might go out of your way to avoid disagreements or confrontations, fearing that expressing your true feelings could lead to conflict or abandonment.
Toxic Shame: This pervasive feeling of unworthiness can stem from early experiences of neglect or criticism. Unlike guilt, which focuses on specific actions, toxic shame permeates your sense of self, making you feel fundamentally flawed.
Over Reactions: Emotional responses may vary widely. You might overreact in certain situations when you have nothing less to give.
Therapeutic Approaches
Understanding and addressing the "urge to keep peace at all costs" can be greatly enhanced through various therapeutic approaches:
Psychodynamic Therapy: This form of therapy can help you identify your deep-rooted thoughts and feelings, allowing you to sort through them and gain insight into your behavior patterns.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is effective in identifying and replacing unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with more helpful ones. This process can lead to healthier emotional responses and improved self-esteem.
Trauma Therapy: Specialized trauma therapy can help you significantly reduce the hold that trauma has on you, leading to healthier emotional regulation and improved well-being.
