Why Some People Rub Us the Wrong Way (Even When We Can’t Pinpoint Why)
Introduction
Have you ever found yourself feeling uneasy around someone, even though they haven’t done anything overtly wrong? Sometimes, the issue isn’t in their words but in subtler, non-verbal cues that signal entitlement, superiority, or disregard. This can be unsettling, yet hard to identify. We’ll explore common traits that may create this discomfort, drawing from definitions of antagonism in psychology.
Understanding Antagonism in Personality
Antagonism is a pattern of behaviors that often put a person at odds with others. The DSM-5, the manual therapists use for diagnosing personality disorders, defines it as behaviors rooted in a heightened sense of self, a need for special treatment, and an indifference to others' needs and feelings.
Why Certain Behaviors Set Off Alarm Bells
Each of these behaviors may subtly—or not so subtly—clash with our own sense of empathy and respect for boundaries. Here’s a breakdown of the common signs that someone may be high in antagonistic traits, with tips on how to spot them:
Recognizing Unintentional Signs of Antagonism in Body Language
Antagonistic body language often appears without deliberate intention. Instead, these behaviors reflect underlying personality traits that “leak” into how someone physically carries themselves. Rather than one-off gestures, look for a consistent pattern over time that reflects tendencies like a heightened sense of self-importance, entitlement, or disregard for others. Below are five recurring body language cues associated with antagonistic personalities, but remember, it’s their consistency that reveals these traits, not isolated actions.
1. Exaggerated Sense of Self
Pattern: A consistent, dominant posture and tendency to occupy central spaces or larger physical areas than needed.
Unintentional Signals: Chin lifted slightly as if “looking down” on others, or expansive hand gestures that draw attention without conscious intent.
Examples: If someone habitually places themselves at the center of a room or sits rigidly with a chin-up posture, it suggests an unconscious inclination toward self-importance rather than a single intentional act of dominance.
2. Expectation of Special Treatment
Pattern: Regularly displays impatience when not prioritized, as seen in subtle cues like sighing or foot-tapping.
Unintentional Signals: Checking a watch, rolling eyes, or subtly ignoring certain people—often when they’re not receiving the attention they feel due.
Examples: If someone consistently becomes impatient or dismissive when others speak or when they have to wait, these patterns can signal an expectation of being treated as special.
3. Callous Antipathy Towards Others
Pattern: Maintains a cold or emotionally detached demeanor, possibly stepping too close or interrupting others without seeming aware of the impact.
Unintentional Signals: A blank expression that doesn’t warm when others show vulnerability, or standing too close, suggesting a lack of natural empathy.
Examples: Frequent interruptions and impersonal expressions in response to others’ emotions often show this cold tendency, not out of malice but as a personality-driven habit.
4. Unawareness of Others’ Needs and Feelings
Pattern: Consistently fails to engage in subtle social cues like eye contact or listening gestures, particularly with those perceived as “less important.”
Unintentional Signals: Looking away or adjusting personal appearance while others talk, as if unaware of how dismissive this can appear.
Examples: If someone regularly checks out of conversations or talks over others, this consistent pattern reflects a lack of attunement to others’ feelings rather than intentional disregard.
5. Readiness to Use Others for Self-Enhancement
Pattern: Shows selective attention only toward those they find advantageous, with interest waning quickly once needs are met.
Unintentional Signals: Mirroring or intensely engaging someone when there's something to gain, with interest dropping off abruptly once they’ve achieved their goal.
Examples: The sudden switch from attentive engagement to disinterest reflects a habitual self-serving approach, often unnoticed by the person exhibiting it.
